Three years ago I cured myself from a serious chronic illness; and changed my life as a result. Only now am I able to put in simple words what happened.
The rider started to respect the horse. Instead of “cogito, ergo sum”, the centre of gravity became body-wisdom, the wondrous human animal. Both are joined of course: that is the mythic significance of the centaur.
The rider has been quietly sneering at the notion of New Year resolutions, but the horse—who plays Jeeves to the rider’s Wooster—has begun to make respectful interventions: “Sir, if I might be permitted to suggest …?”
And so I find myself starting to organise my life, in ways which, if I did not despise the NYR, would seem uncannily like them.
Perhaps Jeeves has started to civilise his master. Perhaps the horse has learned to read the rider’s unconscious thoughts.
Or perhaps the two are fusing into one. Anyhow, I have a new sense of starting to do what I ought to do, without trying too much.
And that is what I wish for you dear reader; and the world too.
I’d suffered Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 30 years.It was cured in an instant when a therapist said:
“Think back to what was happening in your life when it first started.”
And I saw that I’d bottled up my instinctive feelings in relation to my marriage, refusing to acknowledge them. The marriage lasted for eighteen years before we divorced, for extremely distressing reasons followed several years later by her suicide.
a wayfarer’s notes 
Have you been feeding him fish Vincent ? I have heard horses reading the master's thoughts and reacting.
” Sir, if i might be permitted to suggest our neighbour's grass for dinner ?”
oh no! Not that dinner jacket Sir!
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Ying/Yang
Body/Mind
Matter/Energy
Rest/Work
Passivity/Activity
Passion/Action
Passivity leads to activity
Activity passivity.
Passive awareness active relatedness
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making formal resolutions never worked for me…but what i do find has happened over the years instead is a sort of constant reviewing process…perhaps intensified at the beginning of a new year…a feeling of excitement over the newness…the reminder of all the starting over chances life presents all the time…and there may be a bit of a pause…to actually listen to something like intuition…without having to try so hard…
happy new year 🙂
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I rather like Serenity's take of a consistent reviewing process. While many resolve goals like losing 10 kilos, getting a work promotion, quitting cigarettes, et al, I prefer a sort of quiet resolution to take a personal inventory — a kind of spring cleaning of consciousness. In this, I think all would benefit from such a personal task.
Similarly, I enjoy your use of the Centaur metaphor that expresses almost the same kind of thing. An intentional and rational realization of a return to “who one is,” from a primitive and essential point. Not the things we like, or social leanings, or matters of frivolity… but a deepened, core sense of meaning and purpose and existence, which we all are forced in some way or another to struggle against in simply living “normally” in these modern cultures.
I, for one, have resolved to be more transparent in my online activities, since being a sort of reclusive pseudonym does not currently serve the goal of being who I am, nor does it help in prospering in these activities. In this transparency, I am able to take a more meaningful personal inventory by being accountable to more than just myself. I think that's important for development and growth no matter what stage of life we happen to be in.
Anyway, to exist in these modern cultures does require a fusing of two worlds. I took your advice and talked with a pastor who has since become a close friend. One of the most profound things he and I discussed was that, while he acknowledges and agrees with my take on spirituality, God, heaven, et al, he feels torn between two worlds… one which is a simple reality, and one that requires a delicate approach so as not to offend the sensibilities of others.
In a way, perhaps we're all living in this dualistic world, no? Many happy returns, Vincent!
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mmm
did u intend to create a mystic feel?
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Freddy: yes, always, in everything I write. Though I cannot of course always realize the intentions.
Timothy, oh, I am so glad you talked to the pastor and discovered points of commonality with him! And your insight that we live in two worlds is essential and deep.
Serenity I so much agree with you about the constant reviewing process. But no matter how we may try, some times of the year do seem more propitious, don't you find? For example I feel the Christmas spirit at Christmas. It hits when it hits, and not till then do I buy a Christmas tree. As last year, it hit when the man I buy from had only a few left. We haven't taken it down yet, for the leaves are still fresh and the lights illuminate our front room inside and out, visible to the street for it stands in the window and we don't close the curtain. When the tree withers, of course we'll take it down but till then we'll try and keep that Christmas spirit alive. But it works best from about 22nd December till New Year's Eve!
Siegfried, yes. It is like a swing. If we were try to keep a balance all the time between the opposites, it woudn't be much fun sitting on a swing!
Rauf, you are a PG Wodehouse fan I see! But you are not asking the correct question, which is “Has your master been feeding you fish Vincent?”
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Arising and passing away. Birth and death. Time.
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I'm struck by your comment that it “works best from about Dec 22nd until New Years” — that puts you pretty much in the “real” first week of the year, if one pays attention to the passing of the time of least sunlight.
I like your metaphors, as always. The combination of the mythic and the human does what no plain prose can, it reaches something deeper in our souls.
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