One of the characters in The Secret Agent is Michaelis, the “ticket-of-leave apostle”. Pitifully obese, he finds it difficult to communicate with others having spent his twenty years in jail (judged guilty by association with some terrorist atrocity) developing his own anti-capitalist philosophy. So now he continues his solitude in a cottage provided by a benefactor, writing obsessively.
I’m fascinated by difference, and strange paths through life which make people different. It is not surprising that my literary heroes—offhand, I will count Kierkegaard, John Cowper Powys, Wittgenstein and now Conrad amongst these—all had arrived at their writing via strange paths, as indeed have I.
As a corollary, I tend to be astonished and sometimes repulsed by conformity, though I recognise its labour-saving attributes. In the very act of speaking—via mouth or written word—we acknowledge commonality with other speakers. If we stray off too far in our individuality, the contact is broken. But still we have our loyalties. Mine is to the past more than the present: not just the world of my youth but often to my mentors’ world: that of my teachers, parents and grandparents.
Over breakfast today, being argumentative as usual (and I am pleased to relate, habitually enjoying an old-fashioned cooked breakfast and most importantly sitting together in timeless fellowship without being rushed) I proposed that the newspapers have taken the place of grandmothers. Karleen initially thought this was ridiculous, having herself been raised by her much-loved great-grandmother. “I mean the media in general”, I explained. Who else now teaches us values, how to cook, what to wear, what we need to know about sex? Our grandmothers passed on their prejudices and old wives’ tales, so the proportion of falsehood to truth may have been the same. But importantly they cared about us. Theirs was an instinctive love, explicable in terms of helping their genes survive: “Do be careful crossing the road, dear!”
What do the media care? Only to compete against other media. Same with the politicians. Same with the supermarkets. Same everywhere. The market. If one human being is more to blame than any other for today’s world, it may be Margaret Thatcher, the first British woman prime minister. She gave succour to Ronald Reagan. Together they helped bring down Russian Communism. You might think that a good thing. But I preferred the Cold War to the War on Terror. I prefer Cuba with its Havana cigars and refurbished Fifties automobiles and dance rhythms, to any country wracked by competition. (I haven’t been there, mark you: mine is a fantasy Cuba.) I shudder to think what my (inevitable) purchase of Chinese goods is doing to some poor slave in a factory. I haven’t been to China either. I ranted the other day about a friendly bomb that might selectively destroy the automobile, television and factory food. My terrorist fantasy of today is a bomb which would destroy competition and leave the rest intact. I’m waiting for the secret police to knock on the door (correction: break it down without knocking first) and drag me off for 28 days’ detention; for I am not sure if even the British officials still have a sense of humour. The man in the street certainly still does: yesterday I saw a lorry with a bear mascot tied to its radiator grille, on which the word “Mohamid” was crudely inscribed. Let me know if you are fortunate enough not to have come across the news story that this refers to.
All this is tangential to my real theme: that every crooked path deviates from the beaten track and misses out on common experience. Those who are competitive regret any crooked path that they may have been forced to tread, for they think life favours the mainstream. We have visions of being trodden into the mud whilst everyone else goes rushing to the next popular dreamscape.
How to survive? This is a stronger motivation than any spiritual quest. You can’t go into a monastic cell or Himalayan cave unless you know where your next meal is coming from. It’s worse than that. For every medieval nun praying for the world and having mystic visions, a hundred laymen would donate to the Church in hope of a place in Heaven, in a superstition which the nun herself would despise. Even the highest spirituality is tainted, that’s my point, not whether you think Catholic nuns a worthy example.
Of course there will always be some competition, just as there always has been. It’s Nature’s way and we are its children. (When I write a sentence like this, I wish that those who have forgotten how to use apostrophes would take notice!) Even the birds are competitive. It’s three weeks since I started putting out seeds for the birds. Finally they’ve dared come to partake. They only come in a squabbling group, not alone; fearfully, sitting in adjacent trees, swooping across, fluttering their little wings in acrobatic manoeuvres. The amount of seed they actually consume is minimal. Do they think it might be poisoned? Perhaps they need to be cautious. People poison slugs and snails.
I love the birdsong in this part of town. I noticed it first one summer evening and thought this was a nice place to be. This was a few days before discovering there was a house at this spot, its backyard next to those trees where the blackbirds sang so sweetly.
There is nothing to be sentimental about. To be incarnated is to know a world of fear and brutal competition. We have to be strong and arm ourselves with whatever advantages we can muster, birds of a feather flocking together for strength in unity.
There is a price to pay for being original. The language is common but (metaphorically) you find yourself speaking a dialect others can scarce understand. So you risk being misunderstood, and thus isolated. In much of the world, hunger and exposure to the elements is no longer the main driving force of survival. Instead it’s a tension between two poles: swimming with the tide versus self-realization. I think I know where I stand.
Oh for one hour of youthful joy!
Give back my twentieth spring!
I’d rather laugh, a bright-haired boy,
Than reign, a gray-beard king.
(Oliver Wendell Holmes, author of Autocrat of the Breakfast Table)
a wayfarer’s notes 
Vincent,
I must say that this post invoked the strongest desire for reply than any other so far. Not to argue any contrary remarks, but rather, to chime in with my own voice to sing similar songs.
A variety of strange paths can lead to a common destination, each enriched by different soil. It is that richness that makes a community thrive. Those who would insist that we all move on common ground fail to realize important facts of life.
We live but one life on this planet, and we cannot know all there is to know, or appreciate the wealth of the universe on our own. If our community is made up of all one knowledge base of common experience, we will isolate our minds to only a small segment of what the universe has to offer.
I think what binds people together is a common set of values. Regardless of our experience, we can appreciate one another for our ability to see things in a similar light.
Competition is driven by different value systems. Those who do not appreciate our values, and hold values that are in conflict with ours, are forever in conflict with our ideals.
We may try to share knowledge of our experiences, that have led us to the value systems we hold dear, in an attempt to sway our competition. However, we are only successful when we touch on common experiences, or common ground.
Capitalism, and media as a vehical of the capitalist, are based on a value system we may not appreciate in the same way as others. The path of experience behind capitalism winds it's way through some brutal fields. You and I share an aversion for these places.
I put forth a vision using the metaphor of the mainstream and it's tributaries on my blog some time ago. Those of us who share your instinct to reject the mainstream in favor of tributaries will always choose uncommon ground over the well trodden.
And yet, I believe, we share values that connect us more deeply than those who stand side-by-side, day-by-day, with a contemptuous eye on the wanderers.
I know how you feel about media, but you might enjoy this.
What would Jesus Buy?
One scene from the movie that I saw recently empicted Reverend Billy (I don't think he is a real reverend), going into a small clothing store on a main street somewhere in the US. The store is empty minus the reverend. He asks the owner about his business and the impact from the large Walmart nearby.
The owner explains that his business was inherited from his father and that he has advised his sons to look for work elsewhere as he does not expect to be in business much longer. Rev. Billy purchases a sweater from the man before leaving.
This moment along with a stark view of main street showing closed shops and empty streets are reminiscent of the scene I found in my parents home town when I visited this past summer.
It is happening everywhere, and those who choose common ground are subconsciously choosing this outcome. I favor the tributaries. I hope they don't end up running dry, so that you and I may continue to have uncommon ground to traverse.
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I see that I wrote (in my then pen-name of yves) 3 comments on your “tributaries” post! so perhaps you have influenced me to write this post.
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as for “what would jesus buy”, a name which hardly inspires me with excitement, it told me I don't have the quicktime plugin, and I didn't want to mess with that.
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Ha, I don't blame you for not wanting to install that nasty plugin.
It also requires that you install apple's Itunes.
Funny how Apple has attempted to position themselves as the anti-corporate, corporation, while exhibiting the very same tactics that they profess to despise.
Here is a link to Reverend Billy's site where you can read about the “Church of stop shopping” without that nasty media in the way.
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“Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.” – Socrates
Thanks for all the hard work Vincent
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Yes Charles but when your comment included the words “it’s tributaries” you didn't learn from my sentence “It’s Nature’s way and we are its children” illustrating the correct use of apostrophes.
Though I never laboured hard for that: I just stubbornly ignored all the wrong examples I've been exposed to.
from Vincent the annoying pedant
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Grammar was never my strong suit.
Too many rules. Too many annoying pedant's<--(Tee Hee) to remind you of them.
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I feel a constant tug of war within – to be in communal fellowship, and to be myself. To be myself means to often have ideas that are not like my fellows, and that can mean to be shunned, or worse – to be minimalized. (is that a word?)
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Masterful this is Vincent, so fine so fine! Both in writing and in content, what a fabric woven! Truly wonderful reading, love all the way thru!
At first I thought I was that autocrat, then I see it is also you, lol, wonderful! And the claim about the replacement grandmother/parent, so true!
I can't stop laughing at the bear thing, deplorable as the whole thing is, I keep wondering what the Christians have in store for me that they haven't already done!
But I disagree that the ultimate spiritual quest is tainted, I think we just aren't past a very low rung on the ladder yet, one where the greatest weapon of mass destruction ever devised, 'money in large quantities', is still doing its' work, still exploding in our faces.
The squabbling massing birds reminds me somewhat of Serenity's old blog, the comment section! She had a tough time there to deal with.
And about the birdsong and reason for being here, this returns my thought to the tainted spiritual endeavour..I am seeing spiritual elevation nowdays as meaning leaving behind individuality and burying it in a collective oneness somewhere, sorry, I ain't seen any wonderful oneness worth getting wet in much less buried in.
And I think that quality oneness, is actually the ability to oversee the whole with no separation between good or bad in members, but wanting equality thruout regardles of talents, regardless of powers, regardless of everything, this means absolute forgiveness and forgetfulness regarding the past, and like you say, a oneness that absolutely allows and promotes the fullest possible access to self-actualization in every case within the healthy whole equality. In this state, then, I see some living forever fulfilled at whatever age they are that 'fully self-actualized', be it youth, be it old age, etc.
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And Vincent, after reading these other comments, I think 'values' is overrated and used, I think the only real 'value' is self-actualization and is not something external in any way to anyone. And I don't think what is touted as valuable even spiritually is really that, I think those sort of values prevent self.
Truly the world is backwards as in inverted, upside down, reversed and that pretty much goes for everything we take for granted and by habit.
Apostrophes? I don't know, sometimes things are a 'contraction' by them, other times things are 'possessive' by them, sometimes 'plural' by them, etc, it is like the word 'thier' looks better one way, to me, than another, I prefer 'their' and it doesn't follow the rule. I tend to use different things at different times, aware of problems, hoping people who know better will be, like you, stubborn, and refuse my example!
This Post is one of your greatests, Suzan is right and right in citing you, you deserve it and I hope it does liberate you and inspire you, for you are truly a great writer. You are far more consistent than most who shoot from the hip, take me for example, I can suck big time, fail in every way, but hit it once in awhile, you are obviously more and more aware of your work in its' essence.
A privelege to know you and read you, besides your anarchist leanings!
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Well, Jim, thank you. I woke up this morning first determined to remove that jibe about apostrophes before Charles got to see it – but too late, I didn't mean to be annoying like that. I will keep my pedantry to myself.
And I also thought that I didn't like this post and planned to suppress it for a while, as I did with most of my October ones. For I often have an intention to write about something but get distracted into something else.
Yes, Hayden, knowing you a little from various contacts, I recognize you as a sister in this regard – torn between individualism and communal behaviour. Perhaps we are all torn, looking for a point of comfort somewhere along the dial, each settling for a different point and trying to cope with that choice. I know mine is unusually far towards the “solitary” rather than the “gregarious” pole, both physically and ideologically. And it is not always comfortable.
Sometimes I want to go to church, just to participate in a community rite, to celebrate the continuity of worship in that old building. But I never go when there is a service on. Even the bland Church of England, which in the old days tried to offend no one (still does but it is now impossible! as the twin issues of gays and women priests agitate it constantly) seems to have bigoted members. But this is the result of the minority status of all Christian religion here. The Church of England was once the broad tolerant umbrella that was there for everyone. You were C of E unless you were “non-conformist” – that was the official term for Catholics, Baptists, Methodists etc.
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Jim,
To some extent I share your sense that values are overplayed. Especially as it manifests itself in mainstream media.
Perhaps it is not the right word for what I am describing. My restricted vocabulary sometimes fails me.
On the other hand, there is something that attracts people to one another, or repels them from one another.
I sense that when we find some common understanding, interests or opinions, it stems from more than common experience. However you choose to describe that common thread, it does exist.
I think self-actualization, is not some predetermined destiny, based on our DNA or as some would put it, based on the path that God has set for us. And as such, values formed from our experiences and from the influences of our community, set in motion potentials that might otherwise go unrealized.
To the extent that our momentum on these value driven paths puts us in line with others, we share a common goal, or vision. Perhaps there is a better word or phrase to describe what I am talking about.
In any case, internal examinations of oneself are bound to bring up questions of priority. Those things that we value above other things.
So even in the solitary moments, where we seek to discover our own potential, we are likely to place higher value on the pursuit of one goal over another.
As we compare notes with one another those priorities will be revealed, and appreciated by others who share those goals, or who have sensed the truth behind values that we share.
I am not inclined to attach mystical properties to these values, or set them aside as pertaining only to me. I find that in doing so, I miss an opportunity to learn more about them or to refine my own understanding of them by comparing notes with others.
I also find that I can more easily realize the potential of my value based goals by working with others who share my interests. In this context I find that the phrase “self-actualized” fails to credit the participation of others in the process.
I guess in many ways, this type of discussion leads me to the inevitable conclusion that we do value things differently. However, if we are patient, listen, and continue to engage with one another, we will also find many common value driven goals that we can work on together.
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“In this context I find that the phrase “self-actualized” fails to credit the participation of others in the process.”
Charles, hello, here you indicate the meaning of 'self' to be like a sense of singular independence above all..that is not my meaning for this word as used in 'self-actualization'…
The idea to me of this 's-a' is also not a predestined fullfilment.
I will come back later with more time and try to explain it, but it is an act that is unique to each and an in-situ or in-context-specific 'becoming' that can happen for some at one age, another at some other age, and it is absolutely dependent on others to enable it.
I felt in reading your just-written reply to me, that you are also searching for words for what is your deeper knowing and understanding, something unspoken, and you seek to make it spoken and expressive in the fullest, that too is what I do, and in this search and discovery truth, we are very much alike, I do not feel we are that different in 'values' from each other. But 'values' will, for me, be qualified by this just described definition of self-actualization, values will also not be pregiven or predetermined even for or by God, but rather God will rejoice about me becoming value-filled and fulfilled in my own personal actualization which will be the highest form I can express myself in and as.
I enjoyed the discussion, all these things further and help in that important expression, hope you take it in that light, no intent to offend, I thank you for the help, over time, your comments to Vincent have been exceeding helpful to me and I am sure to others. See you later Charles, thanks sincerely!
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Jim,
Words often fail to communicate my intentions or even my understanding of things. And for the same reason I often misunderstand others.
Patience and continued discussion often reveals more common understanding and appreciation. I enjoy the process and the results. Too often people are put off in the early stages and fail to realize the potential of making such connections with others.
I am glad that you, as I, relish the process and the connections we make with others.
I have heard the “s-a” phrase used in many contexts. Your clarification appears to place us in line with one another to some degree.
It is the definition of spiritual that often veers me away from common an appreciation for others views on such things. You see, I am not inclined to apply special metaphysical or mystical properties to my understanding of things.
This may be were we go off in different directions. But that will not sway me from the discussion.
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I don't know what substitutes the role for grandparents in my life. Maybe I've gone looking for them in strangers I meet.
It sounds like you had a healthy loving relationship with your grandmother. I haven't spoken to my mother's mom in ten years, nor my grandfather. On my father's side, my step-grandfather is deceased and I hardly know my adoptive grandfather (the original man who adopted my father), and my adoptive grandmother and I rarely speak, either, mostly from lack of not having much in common I suppose.
I liked the bit about the motorcycle. Had I been more flamboyant, I would have done something similar, only I don't own a motorcycle.
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Sophia, what motorcycle? Have I missed something?
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I enjoyed reading this post too. I miss my grandparents. The past is so important because we learn so much from it. yeah competition has been around since the beginning of life. Everyone looks up to the Romans and what they did..their technology and knowledge.. yet they were so very brutal just like the competition going on now. I wonder how the market would be like if there was no competition? could it survive? I enjoy reading about your fantasy bombs 🙂 I have a few myself lol it would be really cool if we could go back to trading. I help you and you help me. I have this and i need that lets make a deal…but thats how it all began with this market business…i don't know. I'm starting to ramble on your blog. forgive me.
Have a great weekend Vincent.
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You too, Kathy. Yes, lots of issues we have in common.
And Jim: Hayden joined a long while ago and now Charles B has too!
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