To Paul from Vincent continued. And also to Jim.
I felt uneasy after my last post, as if something had been left out. I continued to add comments as afterthoughts, but that did not fix the unease.
Have you noticed that barely an hour goes past in our waking life without the need to describe to ourselves or others what is happening, with some kind of metaphor, or a full-blown explanation, as if every effect must have a cause? It diminishes the feeling of chaos. If everything has a reason, the world is rational. It’s a great relief when the doctor we’ve consulted names the condition, says it is very common, and benignly writes a prescription, muttering “Nothing to worry about!” Before the ink is dry, the placebo effect has started its work. Anxiety is stilled and life is restored to control. Australian shamans used sleight of hand to extract sticks or pebbles from the patient’s body, as part of a healing ritual which the Aboriginals found effective for most conditions. Billion-dollar pharmaceutical industries in one instance, nomadic simplicity in the other. Similar rituals, similar effects.
So here I am assuming that my unease has been due to leaving something out of what I posted the other day. Is my blog then a ritual of pulling pebbles and sticks from my psyche, for healing and entertainment? Why yes. Isn’t that what creative writing is for?
The unease of my last post has crystallized. I feel I know what was left out: the third person of the Trinity. If Evolution is the Father and the Creation including you and I is the Son, then we must be in want of the Holy Ghost. Ghost comes from the Old English for “spirit”. I don’t know the history of the Trinity in Christian theology, but I know it was argued with passion, and PREVAILED. Those who opposed the Trinity were heretics, risking punishment on earth or in heaven.
The Holy Ghost must be like an invisible Superman for it is not dependent on the physical incarnation of God’s Son—God being the Big Bang, the subsequent Evolution and the Laws of the Universe; the Son being the Creation of which I am a fragment, with senses and feelings to apprehend the whole.
The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. (John 3:8)
If you have frequented this blog, you’ll be surprised at this line of talk from someone you thought of as a sceptic. But I want to have faith! Not in this specific Christian formulation, but faith. I am for faith as a dog is for worship of its master. This is not a question of truth. Faith is not rational.
My connection to the angels has become tattered of late. I am all injured innocence, like a bird trailing a hurt wing. As long as I have been writing here, the impulse has been a daily joy, a nature-mysticism whose secret I was unable to impart. Till February, I was a retired wayfarer, unconsciously emulating Basho, that Zen pilgrim and writer of 
haikus:
chestnut tree blooms
pink yellow and white
how few notice them!
Angel was in me prompting my actions and now I have gone down the route of wanting to be ordinary, and working in an office each day, sometimes in death-like idleness and sometimes—as lately—a slave who’s given no respite: “When will you have it ready? Can you make another change and deliver it before the meeting with the customer at 11?” Every indignity of the ordinary man: being cheated, lied to, ignored. Uncertainties. Money. In all these things my tribulations are mere tasters, tokens of the yoke other ordinary men suffer, every day of their lives.
But the worst is to feel abandoned by angels. I frighten myself with the thought of a soulless Evolution.
a wayfarer’s notes 
yes, i can relate with you. i understand the feeling which you related here. abondoned by angels is what pains the innocent most, who was too much dependent upon angels to convey him messages. certainly you feel you have done a sin as they have left you. but you grope to find out what was the sin. is leading an ordinary life against the ideaology of angels.
i don't know, it confuses me too. i also feel the pain of getting abondoned by angels.
beautiful writing. and i must say, you are still a wayfarer, searching for his path.
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Vincent,
As you probably know, I rely little on faith in spirits or angels.
And yet, I do rely on my intuition or instincts.
I suspect the feelings you have right now are not dissimilar to those I had towards the end of my days at the big corporation.
I too felt abandoned. Not by angels, but by my co-workers, and at times even my family.
I was reluctant to go along with what my instincts told me were wrong-headed policies and bad behavior.
Co-workers who were victimized like myself, also felt abandoned. But many went along thinking that what was better for the company would eventually make things better for them. Sadly, this was not the case.
Once people submitted to the demands, it became status quo. And to add insult to injury, even more demands were made.
Family pressured me to stick it out. They believed in the security promised by the umbrella of a big corporation.
But it was just an illusion.
Predators run wild in this type of environment. Faith will not save peaceful, thoughtful individuals like us.
Security is provided only to the Lions, not those who enable them.
Follow your instincts/intuition. In the long run, it will serve you well.
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Charles, as a visitor to the MaxiRam Corporation (a global company) on a brief contract I have no rights and should have no expectations.
It's a drama and if I were not playing this part I would be playing another.
As I may have said elsewhere (or it is still unpublished) the more you get paid the more ethical compromises you have to endure. I am not paid very much so it's not too bad. On the other hand I am paid much more than the majority of adults on this planet.
They can treat me any way they want at the corporation. That is the nature of capitalism or whatever you want to call it.
Feeling abandoned by angels is something else entirely. Fortunately it's a temporary phenomenon and today, under great stress, I was witness to what I call a miracle. It seemed impossible that I should be able to deliver what was asked of me in the time. I prepared to fake it and patch it and make my excuses. But then it suddenly and inexplicably went right. This helped me to see that angels are more real than the corporation and not to take things too seriously.
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Ghetufool, leading an ordinary life is not against the ideology of angels, but they take my wishes seriously and I had wished to suffer with the world and be ordinary. This is what I have been given. Angels give us what we ask and what we unconsciously wish for, after checking that this is for the good of all.
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Vincent,
I suspect that you had done more to prepare for that success than you give yourself credit for.
It is easy to have your confidence shaken by unrealistic expectations or harsh treatment.
I am glad you had your faith restored.
As for pay vs. ethical compromises. I have now had experience with corporations that employ individuals who exhibit responsible behavior. Meaning that they take responsibility not only for what they are asked to do in support of the corporation, but also for how their actions impact others.
Ethics need not be abandoned in order to work together towards a common goal. Individuals with personal integrity and ethics, can agree to work hard without threatening each other.
Knowing this and seeing it in action has restored my faith in others.
I wanted to say this in order to avoid leaving you with the impression that I have become a cynic.
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This is a neat coincidence! Your post really reminds me of my upcoming next post or two – excerpts from Thomas Carlyle's Sartor Resartus.
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