… it didn’t come from faith as such, like a surrender to God’s will . . . but from time to time I’ve definitely felt an inner guidance. You could call it inspiration, intuition, intimations, whisperings, angel messages. As mentioned in dozens of posts.
Later: it’s midnight, time to go downstairs to print the latest cryptic crossword. I can’t print it from my desktop as Karleen paid for the subscription.
It’s also time to clear the draining board before breakfast in the morning, and have a quick meal. My metabolism is weird these days, can’t manage a normal adult-sized meal. So I’ve taken to having a PotNoodle around midnight
It started with a diagram like this, written by my doctor on his scratch-pad.
He’s not my regular NHS GP, indeed I’ve not been assigned to him for the last ten years. But he’s always seemed more human than the others, easy-going in conversation, with time to see the larger picture, where others politely consider the session over when they’ve written out a prescription or referred your case to a specialist.
I didn’t know he was still a partner in the surgery, rarely see his name on a door (Dr H*m*d!) . So after we’d finished the business side, he was ready for a more general conversation, especially as I was his last patient for the afternoon. So I asked him if he’s gone into private practice. Many GPs and consultants enhance their income in this way.
“No,” he said, “I’ve just decided to slow down a bit, just keep my hand in two half-days a week. I’ve got all I want materially. Why go through all the stress this job involves, coming at you from all sides?”
So he explained that when you’re young, you aim high. You have to get a place to live and support a young family. And you want to excel, get to the top of your profession. I should add that he’s from the Indian sub-continent, where the parents traditionally want their sons to go into a prestigious profession, such as medicine.
He spoke as if assuming I’d followed a similar path in my own life, and would understand
* from this post “On Human Behaviour”:
For myself, I’ve become convinced of a unity between all of nature; man being just one species of many, just one bundle of genes that can reproduce itself, if you will. My conviction arises not so much from the Theory of Evolution, Darwinian or Neo-Darwinian, but a series of intuitions, mystical revelations, call them what you will. If I were to try and debate with Sartre on his own terms, I’d posit a universal essence, which is both one and many. Does essence precede existence, or vice versa? I don’t care. If I am anything, I’m an animist. Every existence contains its own essence, call it soul if you like. This I feel with all six or seven senses, when I step outside this study into the fresh air, under the sky.
a wayfarer’s notes 