finnegans wake on the desborough road

with the sun shines on all of desborough road you could say heaven smiles the chillier the climate the more i like the sun on my back if i were in jamaica or malaysia now the sun could be cruel only the shade would be merciful so why do the english like jamaica for its beatingdown sun which damages the skin unless you encase yourself against it i suppose because its for a few days and they will come back after their two weeks coming back is the real holiday to be back under grey skies and rain we seek the opposites to make us gladder about the everyday the mountainclimber goes up to his icy fastness for the pleasure of coming back to base camp the soldier goes in harms way for the returning embrace of his family why does the madman have to be put in a padded cell because he wants to beat his head against the wall to feel the pleasure when he stops doing it we go away to come back and feel gratitude except we dont have to go away then there is no away at all and gratitude is carpeted walltowall across this globe i sometimes feel astronauts are the betrayers for going away for this is all our home perhaps they need to see it from the porthole of their spaceship to discover that absence makes the heart grow fonder heres my neighbour I tell her

good morning

oh sorry didnt see you and the sun is not even shining in my eyes ha ha

you must be absorbed in thought

actually when I saw her coming towards me the sun was shining in my own eyes and I was absorbed in seeing everything that lay before my field of vision human happiness would be greater if we enjoyed all weathers equally sometimes i hear little children tell the mother they love the rain she says stop splashing in the puddles they think she hasnt heard what theyve said so they say it again i really do mum i love the rain i dont want to preach i dont want to change the world or even put a point of view but neither do i want to be like the other writers who are content to leave the world unchanged and merely entertain and make money  adding to the sum total of commodities and marketing and providing soft cushions against the shock of discovering a strenuous emptiness where each second is precious for not being death im wandering around this store looking for a suit to go to a funeral

can i help you sir

yes i need to find my size first     this one is nice it fits perfectly and i love the lining

its a ted baker suit lined with bookshelves bright autumn colours in nice contrast to the navyblue cloth

but the price is a bit    im going to a funeral and hope i wont go to many more     so i wouldnt wear it much probably     unless a wedding or two but even then

not any time soon in my family as my elder children married already in every sense but legal so whats the point except to make the guests wear suits unless they arranged it hippie style flowers in the hair and vegan picnic with a druid presiding all hypothetical foolishness but again if i had the nice suit i could wear it everyday if i wanted and feel nice indoors and out the quality would last but then it would make its own statement out of my control so no its more foolishness this one from marksandspencer is just fine so im ready for anything now but when shall i wear the other suit only worn twice at reunion dinners linen one lightcoloured need to think of an occasion to wear it ok for wedding but not funeral so all done and wrapped now i notice the passers by and how much people reveal of themselves apart from that which remains concealed in the old school building they have morning sessions for downs syndrome and other such people they come along ledborough road with their differing levels of retardedness some holding a carers hand others guided as necessary by a kindly hand on shoulder and some who go ahead of the carers talking to each other and you can see from their faces where theyre at to an extent and im glad there is such care and no sense of disadvantage at least for these few but are they emblems of a proper world where everyone looks out for everyone yes except that everything is just as it is and i only see what i see which is people doing the best that they can so should i include media reports as reality maybe i do maybe i sweep them to one side as hearsay of course there is more going on than meets the eye such is the drawback of my method of trusting the senses you can see much from appearances but more is hidden i still think  theres  a generalized inner anxiety in modern civilization not present in old peasant societies where the poor bore everything bravely for lack of other choice and had hope in religion as long as there was something and they could keep their children fed i see two men in the street perhaps polish from the chatter and joshing one aims a kick at the others backside which looks skilful but no its too hard and hurts the other the first embarrassed goes into the betting shop the other stays out angry and the only violence i ever see is likeonlike never interracial and to me the street is safe and life is a comedy or this is wish fulfilment and we watched lolita the kubrick 1962 version with james mason as humbert humbert and peter sellers as clare quilty billed as a comedy i thought it dark enough you could read between the lines but critics were critical thats what they do what else and i like aristophanes for his comedy of feminism and pacifism you get your points across better that way than moaning and hate and attacking your opponents credibility perhaps there is something in tragedy i havent tried sophocles and the other one euripides grist to freuds mill of course we choose what we notice and ignore you have to try and stay sane that way but in other ways i find choicelessness to be the gift of grace where we are grateful or else do something needed to fix our own roof or plumbing not impose our ideas on the world me im a reader this world is an open book i dont look for hidden meanings but i sometimes think the whole system of consumption and production is wrong where the solution precedes the problem or multiplies the problem till there are jobs for all to sort out the created problems and create more in the process and everyone gets tired but not fulfilled and every attempt to fix it makes it worse and now i pass again the corner cafe i saw earlier with its board outside saying one filling sandwich and drink threepoundsfifty i thought they meant one sandwich will be filling as a boast but i see now there was a missing hyphen between one and filling so if you want a two filling sandwich you pay more we would be better off with scribes in the street who know about hyphens and can make you a signboard for a few pence or pen a letter to your loved one if you are illiterate they know the right things to say i saw them still operating in  kuala lumpur  in nineteeneightyone they could do it for you in chinese or malay i notice all the written errors and see the shortcomings of universal literacy despite the positive progress anyway what is is