I walked into town on an errand, with a sense of loss in the back of my mind. “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,” said the poet. He might as well have said “Things end.” I had let go of something, not from necessity, but “for the best”. It was time to finish it for the sake of integrity and avoidance of compromises, but it left a little sadness.
After completing my errand, I took the photo of the Centaur weathervane atop the Guildhall in the market square. They’re repainting the lantern on which it sits. I’d been waiting for the scaffolding to be removed but I rather like it this way, especially with the ladder pointing up to the sky.
On a whim I went into All Saints Parish Church. It’s ancient and spacious, a focal point of the community, like a cathedral, scaled down modestly to our needs as a market town. In a single year recently the Mayor officially attended various events in this building: Scouts’ Service, Women’s World Day of Prayer, a performance of Mendelssohn’s Hymn of Praise, RAF Freedom of High Wycombe Service, Godstowe School’s Thanksgiving Service, Wycombe Abbey School’s Centenary Speech Day Service, St Vincent and the Grenadines Association’s Anniversary Church Service, Battle of Britain Sunday, a service for babies and children, Mayor’s Civic Service, Remembrance Day Service (November 11th). (I wrote the Mayor’s biography, so I’d done the research a while ago, not specially for this post!)
I bought a votive candle and lit it. There was a board covered with slips of paper on which worshippers had written their entreaties. Perhaps it was to allow others to pray on their behalf, but I wondered how they could display them so publicly. And yet I write this blog! I “prayed for the world” like the nuns in enclosed orders, in awe and almost tears. I love this church, for it’s inclusive, open to all. The antiquity of its architecture and stained glass gives a needed sense of continuity. Evangelism, dogma and prejudice (theirs or mine) have kept me from attending services till now. I’ve experienced that prayer requires only our gratitude and awareness of vulnerability. We don’t need the company of religion, concepts of God or our brothers and sisters, but we do need community. Something that Freyashawk said somewhere has made me feel it’s time to return from exile and partake of common rituals again.
After dipping my toe into public divinity, I continued my walk to visit a place of mysterious secrets: the US base on Daws Hill. It’s a tiny space on the side of a hill in the woods, just a few buildings. Apparently the hill is hollowed out with bunkers set up in the Cold War as an outpost of US nuclear defence/attack. I’ve learned from the Internet that it has also been an American Elementary High School, and found some memorabilia of former pupils. I used to see them performing in a marching band, with their white gloves and leggy drum majorettes, at fairs held in the park.
Today I’d like to break a long abstinence and go to church, but that walk has left me with a strained thigh muscle, and despite the glorious sunshine, I won’t be going anywhere.
a wayfarer’s notes 
I too have longed for this sense of community.
I am an atheist. My wife attends a Presbyterian church on a regular basis and she brings my daughter.
I know that my wife does this to fulfill her need for that sense of community and to instill it in my daughter. She also feels that this will instill a sense of morality in her that our school system fails to do.
I agree with my wife, but I have great difficulty attending with them.
The church they attend is quite liberal, however, they still are overt in their dogmatic responses to today’s issues. And they believe that atheists like me are merely lost sheep that will eventually see the light and re-join the herd.
I am an open minded person, but I have concluded that Christianity, although it has merit in community and moral influence, still carries too much unnecessary and misguided baggage to be taken seriously by thoughtful individuals.
When I have attended to see my daughter perform in plays or sing at church events, I am subjected to many rituals, and preachy dialogue, that ask too much of me as an atheist.
I do not sense that they have respect for my views, or consideration for the discomfort that I endure at their whim.
I hold my tongue, as to do otherwise (ironically) would be considered rude or disrespectful.
I have considered gathering other atheists in an effort to experience some of this community experience that I crave. But I have struggled with where to begin and how to find others who feel as I do.
I have not given up, but I expect it will take some time to accomplish this. The climate is not amenable to atheists right now in this country.
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Vincent, once more you've created that warm sense of place. You've also reminded me of the importance of a sense of community which has been missing in much of my life. Most of my enthusiastic pursuits have been solitary, I have almost never joined any organized group, and my relationships — while dominating my life — have generally been with one woman at a time rather than with groups.
I learned a few years ago of the importance of making some sort of communal experience a part of one's life. That's too long a story for here (and Freyashawk has added to it), but it did lead me to join my wife at Lyceum in Cassadaga where I met people, took part in group discussions, and found something cozy and “communal” to look forward to each week. I'm no longer doing that, and I miss it.
I share Charles' feelings about Christianity (even though I definitely am not an atheist), and so “going to church” as a communal experience is out for me. I collected too much unwelcome baggage from doing that as a child. I need to find more alternatives.
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community is not a big deal here. whether you like it or not, people will force you out and you have to participate in a group activity. It's a funny place. this sense of alienation is truly western. we don't feel that. alienation is a kind of boon for us. it's quite difficult to remain aloof here. even when you are thinking deeply your neighbors will think that you are sad and will try their best to cheer you up. it's sometimes disgusting but leads to lesser mental sickness.
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