I’ve spoken a couple of times in this blog about “Cosmic Ordering”, though I prefer to use the less presumptuous phrase “Asking the Universe”. It always works for me, but I don’t ask for much, being generally so contented that I don’t want to change anything.
A few weeks ago I was feeling frustrated with the idler’s life and thought it would be nice to get back into my old line of business, within an office environment. It’s been eight years since I last did that, and I’ve changed so much I was curious as to how it would feel. So I sketched an idle fancy: a job no longer than two weeks in duration, which would draw upon my long-matured computer skills, no more than four miles away, working for a firm engaged in an honest trade. That was my cosmic order.
Last Friday an agency emailed me hoping I’d be available to start a job on Monday, on exactly the terms I had envisaged. So today I started, after a weekend of anticipation. How would I manage the 9 to 5 routine? What to wear? It’s been so long and the world has changed. Do men still wear ties and suits to work? How will my new colleagues respond to the strange vibe of a former battery-hen who’s escaped to freedom and returns as a mere tourist?
I turned up at the delightfully sprawling offices of a certain group whose business is wood, research, fire equipment, timber advisory consultancy, that sort of thing. It is reached by a narrow winding lane and surrounded on all sides by beautiful woods. A carved oak fireplace decorates the reception area and a beautiful wooden plaque commemorates a visit by the Duke of Gloucester in 1978.
I wasn’t given a desk and chair. Coffee was not offered. My plan of spending the morning in gentle acclimatisation withered in the bud. I was taken straight to a computer screen, without the invitation to sit down. The problems I was to solve in the next two weeks were demonstrated, with a running commentary which I could hardly absorb. It seemed to come out without pause for breath, like a mighty river whose dam has broken. As an old hand I am used to this. To reassure the client, I ad-libbed a vague plan of action and indicated I would get on with it on my own, asking them for any further help as needed.
I solved the first problem within the hour and heard myself say that there was much more to be done, they shouldn’t think this of this as anything more than a clumsy workaround, a temporary fix. Then the other problems yielded easily to the same kind of investigation and by noon my client was delighted with the outcome. “Well, that’s all we wanted,” they said, and would have been happy enough to say goodbye there and then. I muttered something about the terms of the contract, but to tell you the truth, my appointment was so rapidly arranged that to date, I have not seen any contract.
The afternoon was spent in consolidating, testing, installing and documenting the various solutions arrived at so easily in the morning. The IT manager rang up the agent, whose heart, he confided later, immediately sank. When a client rings the agency halfway through the first day it’s invariably to say that the contractor’s no good. Au contraire, the client was delighted that I had finished the job faster than he’d believed possible, and in recognition of this would give me two days’ pay for one day’s work.
So how did I feel? Triumphant? No. Embarrassed and awkward, like the child who’s top of the class and faces the scornful envy of his fellows. I’d made a fool of them. Or perhaps it wasn’t that. Perhaps it’s always tense like that in the broiler-house, especially when a stranger breezes in who’s not a customer and whose status is completely unknown. I found myself wary as a wild animal, uncomfortable.
To a horse who’d been broken in and then domesticated for his full working life, eventually released to the great fenceless plains as a born-again mustang, a single day in the corral was enough.
3 comments
dr.alistair
the more you see what you want clearly and with unconditional love, the more clearly it will emerge.
i have recently been going through a break-up and well, met a girl who has taken my attention. she is perfect in every way. so much so that she is almost a fantasy. we meet every tuesday and we talk well after the coffee shop has closed and everyone else has gone home. i am desperate to be with her but there is something stopping us going further. i have told her how i feel and she keeps coming back and we have planned to do stuff……….but she`s waiting.i am moving out of the house where my ex and i have lived for 14 years tomorrow.
i am focussing on the unconditioal love that i feel for my existance and the gift of this girl in my life…………and accept what ever will happen next as a perfect expression of love.the discomfort we experience in a wish coming true is only artifacts of our past. when we let them go we can better see how we are creating this thing now.
Vincent
I wish you and your new love every happiness. This business of waiting is very understandable. We have to be ready to accept the gift. You are right about the artifacts of the past being the basis of the discomfort. My story of course left a lot of the past unsaid. However I am hesitant to use the language of “when we let them go” because to the untutored ear, it sounds as if we can do it whenever we want, by an act of will. We can look back and see that it was good when we were able to let something go, and lighten our baggage. When we look to the present and future, I personally feel it is better to be patient with ourselves and respectful of the artifacts we have accumulated.
mpeverett
(writing in March 2018) I’ve read this one before, but I’m enjoying them second time around. I like the mustang returning to the corral.
a wayfarer’s notes 